The poem
Fair is my love, when her fair golden hears with the loose wind the waving chance to mark: fair when the rose in her red cheeks appears, or in her eyes the fire of love does spark.
Fair when her breast like a rich laden bark with precious merchandise she forth doth lay: fair when that cloud of pride, which oft doth dark her goodly light, with smiles she drives away.
But fairest she, when so she doth display the gate with pearls and rubies richly dight through which her words so wise do make their way to bear the message of her gentle spright.
The rest be works of nature's wonderment, but this the work of heart's astonishment.
In a sonnet you are not suposed to have four words rymeing in two different stanzas! like: mark, spark, bark, dark, lay, away, display, and way. Not to be mean or any thing, but i am only in 8th grade and i can tell that your poem is not a correct sonnet. But other than that i thought it was good! Your iambic entameters were done well.
Actually this is a correct form of sonnet; contrary to what you may think, Edmund Spenser created his own sonnet rhyming pattern. Poets are not required to follow a strict set of guidelines; therefore it would not matter if you think it's incorrect. Research a little more about the history of the poet and sonnet before you make such outlandish comments.
I think this poem was deep and an estonishing piece of writting!! Keep up the wonderful work!! your a good poet...
comments
this poem is in form of paradox, since it talks about loveliness and the same time talks about hurtful pasion of human life