The poem
They spoke of Progress spiring round, Of light and Mrs Humphrey Ward-- It is not true to say I frowned, Or ran about the room and roared; I might have simply sat and snored-- I rose politely in the club And said, `I feel a little bored; Will someone take me to a pub?'
The new world's wisest did surround Me; and it pains me to record I did not think their views profound, Or their conclusions well assured; The simple life I can't afford, Besides, I do not like the grub-- I want a mash and sausage, `scored'-- Will someone take me to a pub?
I know where Men can still be found, Anger and clamorous accord, And virtues growing from the ground, And fellowship of beer and board, And song, that is a sturdy cord, And hope, that is a hardy shrub, And goodness, that is God's last word-- Will someone take me to a pub?
Envoi Prince, Bayard would have smashed his sword To see the sort of knights you dub-- Is that the last of them--O Lord Will someone take me to a pub?