The poem
You paused for a moment and I heard you smoking on the other end of the line. I pictured your expression, one eye screwed shut against the smoke as you waited for my reaction. I was waiting for it myself, a list of my own news gone suddenly cold in my hand. Supposing my wife found out, what would happen then? Would I have to leave her and marry you now? Perhaps it wouldn't be so bad, starting again with someone new, finding a new place, pretending the best was yet to come. It might even be fun, playing the family man, walking around in the park full of righteous indignation. But no, I couldn't go through all that again, not without my own wife being there, not without her getting cross about everything.
Perhaps she wouldn't mind about the baby, then we could buy a house in the country and all move in together. That sounded like a better idea. Now that I'd been caught at last, a wave of relief swept over me. I was just considering a shed in the garden with a radio and a day bed, when I remembered I hadn't seen you for over a year. "Congratulations," I said. "When's it due?"
At last, something interesting. Still not particularly well written, but at least the story is cute.